How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
