after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
