True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
