how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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