So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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