His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
