i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
