): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
