Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
