from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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