Already got asked if we're dating
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
