just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
