I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
