Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
