I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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