I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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