Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
