she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
