This dress was meant to end up on your floor
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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