Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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