I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
