I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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