Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
