I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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