ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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