Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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