He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We left the knife in your bed.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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