Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
