I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
