Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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