my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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