I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
