its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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