I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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