She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
