I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
