I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
