My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
