??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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