and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
