Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
