dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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