1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
