so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
