just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
