I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
