I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
