my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
