ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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