Christians are straight up FREAKS
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
